Is There Something Wrong With Me?
- Why Do I Want To Cross-dress And Be Dominated?
All too often, I'll meet a male submissive and we'll talk about what his BDSM interests are and what makes them so exciting to him. We may even do a session, maybe two. All is going well and then...
He has something he wants to ask me. From how nervous he is and the way he stammers around I begin to think that he has some far out fantasy that he is about to ask about. It must be something really crazy for him to get so worked up about and find so hard to communicate to me. Some deep dark secret that he's been harboring for years. Here it comes, I have my eyes on the door, ready to make a hasty, emergency exit!
I've heard just about everything, he knows it, so this must be a big one! And...
"Mistress, I've always wanted to wear woman's panties and a bra.?.?."
All that build up and that was all it was?
Dear, I don't want to diminish the gravity of your feelings about cross-dressing, but it's no big deal to me. In fact, I have a very fond place in my heart for those guys that are able to come to terms with their desire to explore and play with gender issues. Way before I knew what BDSM was, I saw The Rocky Horror picture show and fell in love with Tim Curry all dressed up in drag! I thought he was sexy in his panties, garter belt and stockings ...the makeup was a bit wild though, kind of an Alice Cooper thing. Alice wasn't bad either for that matter. The point is, not everyone gets all freaked out about men in women's panties.
Transgenderism, Transsexuals, cross-dressing, panty slaves, sissy boys, sissy slaves, sissy maids forced feminization, it's all part of the lifestyle for so many men, yet there is so much insecurity with it as well. A guy will easily admit that he wants to be bound, gagged and tortured, but finds it difficult to say, "Can you add some panties too and maybe a wig?" There is definitely a fear in many men that their masculine image is somehow damaged if they even have transgender fantasies, let alone, actually play out the fantasy. It's a pressing issue for many and, unfortunately, limits the full potential of their experience of themselves.
Given the social pressures placed on men, and the inequity of our culture to allow women to dress like men, yet forbid men to dress like women, I can understand the dilemma of wanting to cross-dress and the fear associated with it. It simply is not an accepted practice for men to dress feminine. If a woman wants to wear a bra, wear cotton briefs and to work in a pants suit, no one will bat an eyelash. Yet, let a man wear panties and a bra, dress up in a dress (heck, even a woman's pant suit) and go into the office, he probably would be asked to go home and change, or he may even get fired. This is something that people think men need to have therapy for, right? It's not nooooormal! The reality is, a man has a substantial risk of social injury if it is discovered that he practices cross-dressing. In fact, I might even offer, as pure speculation, the social impact of openly cross-dressing carries more weight then being gay and coming out of the closet. It's easier for the public to understand a man wanting sex with another man than to think about a man wanting to be like a woman. Gay guys are still guys, but a cross-dresser, what is he? If he dresses like a woman and still wants to make love to a woman, is he a want-to-be lesbian?
The big question is, does he really not want to be a man at all? Is there something inside of him that is more feminine than masculine? Is he just plain confused? Why is it that he wants someone to dominate him and force him to dress up? Is there a stream of guilt associated with his desire to cross-dress? Is there something wrong with him?
My simple answer to the question on the previous page is...no! Wanting to cross-dress doesn't mean you are gay, and it doesn't mean you want to be a woman. Although there are men who do have
gender identity issues and legitimately may be a woman locked in a man's body, most cross-dressers are not dressing up because they feel a mistake was made when the creator stuck a penis on them.
There may be something that is feminine in them, that they need to get in touch with, but this is probably not
the primary reason guys want to cross-dress. There are theories in psychology that claim that there is both a
masculine and feminine side of our personality. Carl Jung called the feminine component of the male personality
the anima and the masculine component of the woman's personality the animus. Both words were derived from the Latin,
animare, which means to enliven, or to make active. He felt that the anima and animus were enlivening characteristics
of the opposite sex to the souls of men and women. Getting in touch with these dimensions of our personality would
help us to be more complete humans. At least that's the theory.
Personally, I think most men like to cross-dress because it just simply turns them on.
They probably have a fetish and get aroused when they see or touch women's clothing.
I have noticed that most male subs I have encountered tend to like some particular article of
clothing more than others. They may really like stockings, or panties and even go as far as to include
a certain style or fabric. When they get to wear something like this, they get aroused. I don't see that
they are getting in touch with anything feminine inside of them as much as they are coming into very close
contact with something that they relate to a woman's sexuality. Satin panties are very sexy and definitely feminine.
Having your genitals cradled in some panties could feel almost as good as having a woman's hand holding them.
Let's face it, a bra is exclusively female. If you don't have to wear one and put up with the straps cutting into
your shoulders, a bra could produce a very tactile sensation that would be identified with a woman's body.
Because of the arousal factor with many men's cross-dressing fantasies and real time experiences, I would be more
inclined to say that what they are practicing with forced fem and other BDSM cross gender play, is more in tune with
an extension of a fetish than trying to get in touch with some deep rooted gender issue. If you're inclined to incorporate cross-dressing into a FemDom scene, you probably already like to look at and touch women's clothing. To be able to wear them, is just one step further up the ladder of the sensual experience for you. To actually wear panties and a bra in front of a woman, well, that's another step higher. To have your cross-dressing as a focus of a scene just intensifies the sensation even more.
Is there something wrong with you because you want to be dominated and cross-dress together at the same time? Not
at all. You're just practicing two erotic play scenes simultaneously and interweaving them together. Is it normal?
Well, it probably is outside of the standard deviation of mainstream sexual desires, but it definitely is nothing
that should be avoided because of that. I don't think you're going to wake up some morning and say, "I think I want
to be a woman." Here is what I believe is true in most cases, you're a man that enjoys what is feminine so very much
that you want to encase
yourself in it. You're definitely masculine and are reaching for more liberation in your erotic expression and
experience. I would love to help liberate you!
~ Lady English