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Why Humiliation?
Where is the fun? (continued - page 4)
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Fourth, and this is best placed here below the last concern; humiliation in the dungeon depends on absolute TRUST.
It is the Dominant's responsibility to assure that nothing comes back to haunt the submissive and that no limits are
breached. One screw up and the whole thing goes down the drain!
Fifth, as the scene progresses, monitor it. Do reality checks to make sure everything is alright.
Sixth, get into the scene. Make what you are doing believable and make sure that what you are doing projects sincerity.
This can be hard for many people. We have been trained to be nice. Our own EGO needs to be confronted add allowed to
step aside to really get into what we are doing.
I know of many women that are afraid to really let loose and humiliate their husbands or boyfriends because they are
afraid of hurting their feelings and they love them too much for that. They might also be afraid of shattering their
own image of who they are and who their loved one is.
Frankly, I think this is one reason why so many men go to professional Dommes. They don't have to face their wife
after the scene and worry about what she is thinking of him. They really want the deep intimacy of a scene,
but are afraid that revealing themselves too much will alter the relationship in a negative way. This is really
unfortunate because both of them are missing a great opportunity to deepen their
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emotional bonding and further their relationship.
The fact still remains that it is not only the EGO of the submissive that is at issue, the Dominant needs
to attend to their own issues as well. A dear male Dom friend of mine has said that he wrestled with the programing
of his British
culture that required him to be a gentleman, when he first began playing with BDSM. It was difficult for him to
make demands of a female sub who would have otherwise been appalled by a man making the same demands outside of
the dungeon. It takes some building of the Dominant EGO as well as confronting the EGO of the submissive. It
becomes so much easier for the submissive to fall in line with the humiliation that he must suffer if the Dominant
projects confidence and proficiency in humiliating the submissive. Don't be tentative about humiliation!
Seventh, allow time for the sub to get into the scene, and allow time for them to return to normal afterwards.
This is very important. Remember that the EGO is going to need to be confronted. It takes some time for it to
surrender. After the scene, make sure that you change your demeanor so that the EGO is welcome and encouraged
to come back. It is also important to take a nurturing stance with the Ego's recovery. Make sure the submissive
knows that you had fun, that they did well, that you never would have thought they could get into it so much and
so on. Check with them and make sure they are feeling good about everything and make assurances that you do not
see them as the persona that they just were, as a groveling submissive.
Eighth, at all times allow the submissive to explore his or her submissive side through the humiliation. Give
them permission to be all that they can be.
For the submissive:
Your job is a bit easier. all you have to do is bear the brunt of all that gets handed out to you. But if you
haven't done intense humiliation before here are some tips:
First, communicate. Everyone is different and the Dominant cannot read your mind. What is humiliating for one
person is a walk in the park for another. Some people may hate being completely naked, some may not. Wearing
panties may be humiliating to you, but a rush for someone else, just no big deal. Each person has their own
thing that their EGO can tolerate and some things that it can't. Let the Dominant know.
Second, expect that it is going to be uncomfortable at first. If it isn't, something is wrong. If at first you
get a little defensive, even a little pissed off, don't take it seriously. It's a natural reaction and is an
indication that your Dominant has your number. If your Domme is any good, she will break through the resistance
of your EGO and get you to surrender. Give it some time.
Third, recognize your limits and verbalize them. There is a difference between discomfort and real emotional
hurt. You're the first person to know and the only one that can say "Hey, I need a little time out, can we talk?"
Fourth, accept a bad day for what it is worth. If you're having problems on a day and you really don't think
that you can get into, or benefit from, intense humiliation, don't push yourself. You don't need to be a hero
and prove something to your Domme.
Fifth, don't script things out. What I mean by this is, don't tell your Domme what to say and do. You can
communicate and lead in a direction at first, but let her do the walking and you the following. If you use
a strict script you will be emotionally prepared to resist any attempt at humiliation that comes your way.
The deal is this. Your EGO is predetermining what it wants to handle and puts up the parameters so that it doesn't
have to be confronted. It's not going to work and you're wasting your time.
Sixth, keep a perspective on things. this isn't real, it's only play. Don't take it seriously. Don't let yourself
project a negative attitude towards the Domme. She is only trying to help you.
Let yourself go and have fun. In a few hours you're going back to reality! It's much tougher out there and there
are real people that are mean and willing to tear you apart for good.
Whether you just want to kneel in front of a Mistress and beg to lick her boots, or you think you really want to
experience intense humiliation, there is no getting away from the fact that BDSM does have some degree of
humiliation incorporated in it. It's part of the territory. As is the case with any BDSM play, it's up to the
individuals involved in a scene to decide what the scene should look like. Make it your own, don't get too
serious and most of all...don't forget to have fun maggot!
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