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Why Humiliation?
Where is the fun? (continued - page 3)
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Alright, so I think I made my point. What happens when we feel humiliated is that something confronts our EGO and tells it...NO,NO, you're not that good. This may not be a problem most of the time. Your EGO may just be able to say...Hey, you're nuts! But in the right place, at the right time, in front of the right people and with the right stimulus, the EGO may not be so resilient and may react with less confidence. Then dear, you feel the warming in your cheeks and you blush...or what ever. We have all been there at sometime. It can be just a small little thing or a big deal! It may be noticeable to others or something that just you are aware of. Whatever it is, it doesn't feel good and you really don't want it repeated.
So why in the world would you want to put yourself into a position where you WILL be humiliated and embarrassed? What would make a person even get sexually excited by being degraded? It doesn't make sense if it is all about confronting the ego, which is who you're supposed to be, and telling it to take a hike?
Well, what if what your EGO is all about is not what you want to be all about all of the time? What if you want a break from being a Doctor, or a boss or the strong, but gentle loving husband? What if, down inside, you really want to be spontaneous and not in control of every little detail? What if you want to drool all over, scream and cry, beg for mercy, twist and turn on the floor, not walk into a room and have to play the same old role? What if you want to be that pure ID inside of you with none of the rules that have been negotiated by your EGO with your SUPER EGO? All of those things inside that are held in check by the EGO might just want some air time! what if you could let it happen and forget about the consequences because it is safe to be outside of your EGO?
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This is where humiliation is a freeing agent for you. All of those little things that are sitting in the back of your mind which have to be turned off because they aren't proper, doesn't mean that they aren't you. They just need to be kept at bay because they will conflict with 'the you', that is, the dictates of your EGO. Your EGO would be falling down on the job if they are allowed to be expressed. If these things are not physically harmful to yourself or others, and they are legal, why couldn't they be allowed sometime to come out of their cage and play a little? Well, they can! This is what much of the play, or fantasy, in BDSM is all about. Going below the surface of the socially acceptable us and allowing other parts of our personality to be released and expressed.
But still, why would you want to be humiliated? Can't we just get into the swing of things by play acting a little? Isn't that enough?
The short answer to the above three questions is: Because, Yes and Yes! Alright, my work is done, hope you enjoyed all of this. What's that you say, you wanted a little more? Alright, I guess I have nothing better to do than to waste my time trying to educate morons! (Sorry, I just needed to do that to get you in the mood. You know, a little ego confrontation ;-).
O.K., here's what the long answer looks like. Your EGO is a determined little bugger and doesn't like to let go easily. If I tell you that you're a little scum sucking maggot, that EGO of yours will say "Alright, that's in the rules for now, I can go along with it." And everything moves down the road alright. Most of the time in BDSM that will work just fine. But what if you really want to get out of the little court your EGO plays on and experience something different outside of the operational rules established by the EGO? Maybe, push the envelope a little and let go of 'Joe or Jane, Got It All Together'? Well, that's where we push that EGO and make it a little more uncomfortable. In fact, what we are going to do is to push it right out of the way and create a whole new you. Or, to put it another way, we push the EGO out of the way and let the other you come forward for a while. Now you might really experience being all that which your EGO forbids because it doesn't conform to the rule book. Your EGO
works just fine out in the real world, but when you're in the dungeon it really does get in the way. It still wants to be in control and do things it's own way. Frankly, most Egos really aren't very submissive!
Our purpose in BDSM is not to destroy the EGO. We actually like it because it is so much of who you are. You're reading this because your EGO let's you. It's not influenced by restrictive moral values and it's secure enough with itself to explore more expressive forms of self-expression than singing or jacking off in the shower. So your EGO is alright and we don't want to change it. We don't want to have you walk out of the dungeon and walk into the real world ill equipped to survive in your normal fashion. All we want to do is to bench it for a while and let it sit out the BDSM game. Let the second line players out on the field for a while. Using humiliation to confront the EGO, forces it to head out to the side line and take a break. Once the scene is over, let your EGO go back to doing what it does best. In fact, let's hope it does it better now because it's had a chance to take a break.
So, we're not destroying your EGO, or even trying to wound it. We don't want to beat it up. All we want to do is to move it aside for a while and create a new one for play. A new, very submissive one that is unhampered by all the rules of the normal you. That's it in a nut shell. Humiliation, done right, in BDSM simply is a tool that moves the EGO aside to allow an unfettered expression of all the other dimensions of your personality to blossom and be enjoyed. So now we see how humiliation is not intended as a tool to tear down an individual, but rather, to liberate them.
There are some rules that need to be followed to assure that elevated practices of humiliation don't become nightmares.
Obviously, humiliation can have as drastic an impact on a person as does a hard physical beating. It can be dangerous. In fact, it's my belief that it takes more skill to do the intense psychological play than it does to do intense physical play. There is less room for error and it's easy to get into hot water. One false, seemingly harmless word, can cut as deep an injury into someone's emotions and will hurt as much as a misplaced strike of a whip. Precautions need to be taken. The following are some guide lines for both a submissive and a dominant doing intense humiliation.
For the Dominant:
First. I will never use intense humiliation with someone that appears to me to have low self-esteem or fragile emotions. Frankly, the only good candidate for humiliation is someone that has a well balanced ego and strong sense of self. We are not talking about abusing someone emotionally, we are talking about expanding a healthy person's experience of themselves further for a better appreciation of who they are.
Second, there must be communication beforehand of anything that needs to be avoided. Everyone has something that they don't want hit on, no matter how secure they are. Find out what it is and stay away from it. It's also good to get a feel for what kind of issues you will want to address. These might include a person's physical appearance, their line of work, how they talk, their intelligence etc. Remember, we are looking for things that will also have some excitement for them as much as for you.
Third, make sure that it is understood that the humiliation is a BDSM play thing. It doesn't leave the dungeon, unless it's suppose to by agreement. Also, never, and I mean never, bring up some issue used in a scene outside of the scene when you are angry.
Why Humiliation?(continued)
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